Is This Just A Bad Day?

[lieze]

I just feel overwhelmed.

Somedays I feel ready to take on the world.

I'm not sure what it is but today I have the spirit of doubt and almost as I said feel overwhelmed.

I'm not sure if it's just normal everyday stress?

I keep also getting flashbacks of my scariest POTS times ever and I know I'm not there now.

I'm not sure where this is coming from.

Does it take energy to stay upbeat and am I just tired?

[firewatcher]

Probably. We all fight the fight to stay positive and do the best we can from day to day. We can't control how our bodies feel or react, just our attitude toward how we handle it. Try to relax, I know it is hard with kids.

((((((((hug)))))))

[lieze]

Okay well this feeling built up to an episode.

I have a lot that needs to happen tonight.

11 year old has his first middle school dance and 8 year old has a birthday tomorrow.

Then mom called and wants to take 8 year old out to supper and to buy him a gift.

So 8 year old starts suggesting that we try to go buy his cookies before they come to pick him up and is running about 3 scenario's by me including not going with them tonight and going with me instead which I didn't know if I could handle was feeling poor.

Then husband calls. Just as I went to pick up the phone I started in. Felt fuzzy and it went to my head so got lightheaded. It feels like someone is kind of playing my spinal cord like a bass violin just that it's like it's hitting me and making me feel woozy. So I hit the deck trying to talk to husband but feeling increasingly worse finally telling him can we just talk about this later?

My symptoms peaked and I felt intense nausea and as if I was going to just have uncontrollable diarrhea. Then it was basically over I started to come out of it. But felt incredibly helpless and depressed. My vital signs as soon as it was over were just fine. 100/56 and pulse 87.

And I started to cry as an uncontrollable urge and felt very depressed.

It's been over an hour now and I feel just fine? Almost better than I did before the episode so I don't know if this is being brought on my psychological stress and pressure I'm feeling to do things that I don't feel able to do?

Kind of feeling out of control? Wanting to be able to do it all but feeling weak and vulnerable?

I used to get that stress like if my husband would call at work where it would make me feel like I was going to have a bm. It's almost like that reaction is just intensified now and it's a psychological problem coming out through my body.

Oh the other stress here I had tried to clean up yesterday and it looks worse I think now than before I ever started plus I really need groceries in the house but don't have it in me to take the kids to the store with me. So just a lot of things I want and need to do that I don't feel like I can.

I guess I'm going to just have to work on this. I'm thinking of keeping a journal of how I'm feeling and my activity and also what I eat. I can try to see if there is any pattern to this.

[lieze]

I'm wondering if I just have conversion disorder?

I just read about it and it seems like it might fit me.

I just don't know what to think anymore.

It doesn't make sense to me that I can have these episodes and then just seem to be okay after and I don't understand where the panic attacks fit in.

Like the last episode I had at work was just as I was preparing to go in and give meds quite a list crushed through a g tube to 2 people plus hang their tube feeds. That is the only time I started to feel bad so it seems like stressful events brings it out of me.

I think they were like my last thing to do but I still felt like I was going to be trapped in there in a tedious situation and it may have triggered me.

Also I start to feel weird in crowded open spaces like any of the events I've just gone to with my kids. I start to get a weird feeling in my head.

Like a panic attack.

And when I went to my daughter's dance recital I totally couldn't walk in that dark theater without getting really dizzy and feeling as if I would fall.

I think a lot of this is situational and that when stress is involved I start to get bodily symptoms.

Sorry just trying to figure this out.